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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25161583">It's Hard To Fool A Cat</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwasbotwp/pseuds/iwasbotwp'>iwasbotwp</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crookshanks POV, F/M, Fluff, Professors, Roleplay, Smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:48:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,900</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25161583</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwasbotwp/pseuds/iwasbotwp</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Crookshanks is sure he has it all figured out. He knows what Hermione is doing, even when she isn't sure she does. Now if he could just cut down on the number of interuptions to his night, everything would be perfect.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Harry Potter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>176</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Draimone Fics, LoveDump 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Hero</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyKenz347/gifts">LadyKenz347</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/NuclearNik/gifts">NuclearNik</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>LadyKenz347 and NuclearNik deserve all the love in this collection!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Crookshanks barely opened an eye before settling back into his spot in front of the fire after the door to Hermione’s quarters swung open, then swiftly shut. If the man with the messy black hair hadn’t closed it behind himself so quickly, the cat may have contemplated a trip out into the castle’s corridors to look for a mouse to catch. But the fire was wonderfully hot and his cushion in front of it perfectly fluffy, so venturing out really didn’t have much of a draw.</p><p>This wizard, the one his witch called <em> Harry</em>, came sneaking into her rooms every few nights. He liked to use that magical cloak to make sure no one saw him, but Crookshanks always did after he locked the door behind himself and took the cloak off to carefully hang on a hook next to the door. </p><p>Crookshanks had known this man since he was just a little boy and saw no reason to pay him any extra mind. Thinking perhaps his underside wasn’t getting quite enough heat from the fire, the cat rolled over, then tried to doze back off.</p><p>“Hermione?” Harry called his witch’s name after some movement in the corner. Probably taking off his shoes. Hermione liked people to take off their shoes when they came over. She said it was polite. Crookshanks didn’t care either way. “Your note said you needed help with something?”</p><p>“Oh Harry! Thank goodness you’re here!”</p><p>Immediately thinking something was amiss, Crookshanks opened both eyes to assess the situation. Hermione’s voice had been high and breathy, like she was worried or scared. A few minutes ago, when she’d been writing that note to Harry, she had seemed just fine. She’d even giggled before sealing it and sending it off. What had changed?</p><p>“I just can’t seem to get this spell right and I know you’re so good at it. Maybe you could show me? You know,” she twirled a curl between her fingers, “you could make sure my stance is correct?”</p><p>Aha. Hermione was doing that thing again—pretending to be different than she was. She’d done this before. </p><p>He had been very confused the first time his witch acted like nearly the opposite of herself. That time he had nosed his way in, trying to see if she smelled like a potion or a spell, because there was obviously something wrong with her. His meows and insistent paws on her legs had gotten him an exasperated “Crooks!” and a push towards his food.</p><p>But for a moment, she’d been her normal self while shooing him away and he’d figured out she was acting. He’d purred proudly at her. His witch was a fine actress. Perhaps she was choosing a strange way to act, but she was doing it very well. </p><p>Now he knew better what signs to look for, and he could see that tonight Hermione was back to pretending she wasn’t good at magic when Crookshanks knew she was, in reality, quite talented. </p><p>Turning his gaze to Harry, he read the wizard’s body language to confirm his thoughts. And yes, Harry looked very happy to have been asked for help; not worried at all that someone had put a curse on the woman they both knew was brilliant.</p><p>With a sigh, the cat settled back in and tried to ignore the two humans. </p><p>“You’re holding your hips wrong."</p><p>"Like this?"</p><p>"A little bit looser. This spell is as much about how your whole body moves as it is about how you use your wand."</p><p>"You'll show me how you use your wand later, too, right?"</p><p>Harry snorted, then cleared his throat. "Of course. I'll be happy to demonstrate my wand work for you. But first I have to make sure your hip movements aren't too stiff."</p><p>"I don't know what you mean."</p><p>"Would it be alright if I touched you? I can help adjust them."</p><p>Ignoring them was proving impossible. Why couldn’t they go to Hermione’s bedroom? They sometimes did that when Harry came over. Maybe if he stretched and reminded them he was here?</p><p>He stood and arched his back and trilled a soft, “Hello.”</p><p>Nobody took the hint.</p><p>In fact, Harry was now standing directly behind Hermione, gripping her hips and doing some sort of swaying movement. His eyes looked dark, but not dangerous as he gazed over Hermione's shoulder. She was wearing a very small camisole and the cat thought Harry must really like it by the way he stared. </p><p>“That’s it, you’re getting it now!”</p><p>“Do you think so?” </p><p>Harry spun her around and stood closer than he needed to, in the cat’s opinion. In a commanding voice that he rarely heard the man use outside his classroom, he told Hermione, “Show me.”</p><p>Crookshanks wanted to roll his eyes. Unfortunately, cats, even the half-kneazle variety, couldn’t do that. Instead, he sat up and tried getting their attention again, in order to tell them how ridiculous their play-acting was becoming. He stared at them intently. And let out a firm, “Meow!”</p><p>It was uncharacteristic for his person to pay him no mind, even when there was a wizard present, but all of her concentration seemed to be on her wand movements. And Harry. Maybe Harry wasn't as worthy of his esteem after all. </p><p>Hermione performed the charm perfectly. Of course she did. It wasn’t a complicated one at all. Crookshanks was sure that if he could get his paws on a wand and use his vocal cords for anything beside meowing, purring, and yowling he could have cast that spell, too.</p><p>"You did it!"</p><p>"Only because you helped me." She grabbed Harry's arm and squeezed. "You're so <em> powerful </em> and <em> strong."</em></p><p>Crookshanks considered throwing up a hairball.</p><p>When Harry suggested showing Hermione his wand movements, the cat decided he'd had enough. With a yawn, and one more disdainful look at the couple, he meandered to the bedroom and leapt onto the bed. </p><p>It was some time later when he was once again disturbed, this time by the two falling onto the bed. They didn't seem to be playing their game anymore as they were both naked and no longer saying such silly things. Hermione did look a bit distressed, but Crookshanks knew <em> that </em>facial expression meant something else entirely. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Professor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was salmon in his bowl tonight. Crookshanks knew very well it was a bribe, but he didn't bloody care. Because it was <em> salmon. </em></p><p>He'd barely begun eating when a knock sounded at the door, startling him. Looking between the door and his dish, he growled. The person on the other side of the door had a distinct smell to him, letting the cat know which professor stood there. He now understood precisely why his witch had been buttering him up.</p><p>Hermione came out of her bedroom to open the door and Crookshanks raced to her side. He sat on his haunches, straight and tall, with his tail curled around his legs. As the door swung open, he prepared to not blink an eye—humans found that intimidating. </p><p>“Professor!” Hermione's voice trembled a little as she smoothed her old uniform skirt down. It was much too short these days. Crookshanks had watched with interest as she’d altered the matching shirt and jumper with charms after she’d fished them out of her trunk along with the skirt a few months ago. “Is it time for my detention already?”</p><p>Crookshanks let out a small sound and the wizard named <em> Draco </em> pulled his eyes away from Hermione’s legs long enough to notice him.</p><p>“What have I told you, Miss Granger, about bringing your familiar to detention with you?” Draco’s voice was scathing, but when he knelt down and offered Crookshanks his hand, the cat knew the tone wasn’t meant for him.</p><p>He came forward and allowed the man to spend a few moments fawning over him, whispering what a smart kneazle he was (obviously true, but the flattery was nice), and scratching just where he liked it, under his jaw. This wizard used to be very mean to his witch when they were still students in this castle. Hermione seemed to have forgiven or forgotten, but the cat wasn’t so easily fooled. Every time he came over, Draco had to re-earn his trust.</p><p>When Draco pulled a small piece of lamb out of his cloak, something that must have been left over from dinner, Crookshanks carefully took the offering and went back by his bowl. He would eat the lamb, then the salmon, and <em> probably </em>leave the two in peace.</p><p>“Can you remind me, Miss Granger, why you’re serving detention with me tonight?”</p><p>“Because you caught me out after hours, sir.”</p><p>“Caught you out on your way to meet a boy, didn’t I?”</p><p>“No, Professor Malfoy! I was coming back from the library!” Hermione shook her head and took a step towards the wizard.</p><p>“The library? After curfew? A likely story!” Draco crossed her arms and scoffed at her.</p><p>“I swear it, sir.” Hermione wrung her hands. “What can I do to convince you?”</p><p>She was doing the acting again. This time it was more subtle than the most recent night with Harry. Crookshanks leisurely chewed his food, enjoying the show. He wanted to see where this was going.</p><p>Draco started to walk towards the sofa, but a hiss from the cat reminded him to take off his shoes first. Even if he did put a charm on them to keep them clean, there were rules in these chambers.</p><p>“You’ll begin by writing lines for me, Miss Granger. I will seat myself here, and you can kneel on the floor on the other side of the coffee table.”</p><p>Hermione quickly knelt down, but her posture was strange. She didn’t look ready to write as she leant forward, her too-tight shirt gaping open at the top. And she started chewing on her quill. Crookshanks looked back to Draco, who was sprawled on the couch. He didn’t look angry about the scenery. In fact, he licked lips and shifted to get more comfortable.</p><p>Draco wasn’t a very good actor at all.</p><p>“What shall I write, sir?”</p><p>“There’s only one person I will sneak out to see.”</p><p>Hermione blushed. Crookshanks sashayed over to his spot by the fire. This could get very interesting.</p><p>“Do you have a problem, Miss Granger?”</p><p>“No, sir. It’s just… I already told you I wasn’t sneaking out to see anyone. I was working on a special research project and needed a book from the library.”</p><p>Oh, nice recovery. This was one of the various reasons he’d picked this human the day she walked into the shop—she was quick on her feet.</p><p>“If you’re going to keep using that swotty little mouth to tell me lies, I can think of a better use for it than talking.”</p><p>Well, this just got predictable. The activities that were soon to come were nothing Crookshanks needed to see. <em> Again. </em> And napping here really wasn’t going to be an option. Draco was quite vocal when he got excited. Best to go hide under Hermione’s bed.</p>
<hr/><p>He’d been asleep for some undetermined time, doing his best to ignore the nonsense coming out of the wizard’s mouth, while Hermione was unusually quiet. What awoke him was a new sound, a sharp crack. And then a small whimper from his witch. Was that man <em> hurting her</em>?</p><p>He knew it! He knew he should never have trusted him!</p><p>Sprinting back in, the cat had his teeth bared and was ready to sink her claws into any piece of flesh he could find on that awful man. He skidded to a halt when he found Hermione bent over the couch, her skirt up around her waist, green knickers pushed to the side, and Draco’s trousers and pants around his ankles. </p><p>He watched Draco slap her arse, leaving a red mark. Hermione didn’t seem to mind, quite the opposite in fact, but Crookshanks still didn’t like the implications.</p><p>He hissed a warning at Draco and puffed out his fur, making himself look as big and menacing as possible. The wizard saw him and stopped all movement.</p><p>“Why’d you stop? I was so close.” Hermione squirmed, and Crookshanks couldn’t be sure if she was trying to get away from the tight grip Draco had on her hips. </p><p>He stalked closer and growled a warning.</p><p>“Oh! Crooksie!” Hermione finally noticed what Draco had already seen. She laughed. “We’re just having a little fun. He isn’t really hurting me. I promise.”</p><p>“There’s nothing little about it.” Draco shifted and grunted. </p><p>Hermione gasped in response. “Draco!”</p><p>“I told you that kneazle shouldn’t be allowed at detention. That’s going to earn you two extra slaps, for not listening to me.”</p><p>Crookshanks narrowed his eyes and hissed again, reminding them he was there.</p><p>“Go back to the bedroom, kneazle. And next time, I’ll bring you sardines,” Draco said, giving the cat his own sort of menacing look. </p><p>Deciding that he probably wouldn’t like to be interrupted while in the same position with a lady friend, and that his witch looked genuinely fine, Crookshanks turned tail. But he kept his tail aloft, ensuring his true feelings were known as they stared at his backside.</p><p>“Next time, he’s also going out in the hall until I leave,” were the last words the cat heard before the door was magically shut and silenced behind him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Choice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Watching Hermione pace their small suite of rooms had gotten old quickly. For three days straight, she taught her classes, graded parchments, and went to meals on time. But every other spare minute, she was a nervous wreck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crookshanks attempted to calm her by being extra attentive—avoiding hunting if she had free periods so she wouldn't be alone, spending more time in her lap, and purring his appreciation no matter what ended up in his bowl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neither Harry nor Draco had come over for over a fortnight to visit her. Maybe she was missing them? The thought crossed his mind that he could try to get one of them to check in on her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry would believe him if he made it known Hermione needed help. They had an understanding. And Draco absolutely knew how smart he was, it would just be a matter of figuring out how to properly communicate with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But which wizard to choose? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For obvious reasons, he leant towards Harry. When no one had wanted to be Hermione's friend, Harry was always there. He had loved his witch for so long, even back when that love was innocent. Harry never smelled like fear or anger. There was a lot to be said for unerring kindness, and Harry was nothing if not kind. Harry kept Hermione grounded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That didn't mean Draco didn't have his appeal as well. Draco was… complicated. Crookshanks found complicated interesting (because he was a cat, not a dog, or worse, a rat), and so did Hermione. The cat could see their attraction becoming love for each other, as much as they tried to pretend it was something else. Draco smelled like excitement, and although Hermione wouldn't admit it, she craved adventure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn't seem to favour one over the other, so how was he to decide which one could help her with whatever she was going through?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crookshanks stopped licking his arse as a revelation hit him. There was the distinct possibility that was exactly what she was doing—choosing between the two wizards. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If she could just get up the nerve to pick one or the other, then she wouldn't be so anxious anymore. It was a good thing Crookshanks was here to help. The first step would be to go through her rubbish bin. There were sure to be notes in there he could salvage to assist in his rapidly forming plan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But before that, he needed to really get some good stretching in.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Luckily, his scheme only took a day to enact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As previously stated, Harry already trusted him. When he came bounding into the Defense classroom between lessons with a bit of parchment in his mouth, the wizard accepted it and gave him some scratches and a piece of bacon that was most likely meant for his owl. Too bad for the owl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco was instantly suspicious, as he should be, but Crookshanks put on his best act. After all, he'd been studying the best actress in the castle for years now. Grudgingly, Draco accepted the missive and penned a response to send back, finishing it and shooing the cat off just as the fourth year Potions class filed in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crookshanks knew it was showtime when he heard a hullabaloo in the corridor that night. Hermione heard it too and rushed to open her door, surprised to find both Draco and Harry standing there, glaring at each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Planning ahead, Crookshanks had chosen a spot atop a bookcase. He had a perfect view of everything, but would remain inconspicuous. Soon, one wizard would remain—Hermione's perfect match. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except, he nearly embarrassed himself by falling off his roost when Hermione said, "I wasn't hoping to have it happen quite like this, and I still don't really understand how you both showed up here together. But the truth is, I have been in a quandary. You see, I have this fantasy I wanted to act out. And it involves you both."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crookshanks had not seen that one coming.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Dreamsofdramione came through for me on this when I needed a last minute beta. Thank you!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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